Who knows how to kiss a girl better than ... another girl? Gentlemen, you know exactly what I know--a woman's lips are softer, smaller, more beautiful than your own, and they draw us in with the desire to touch, kiss, and make her want to lean in closer. And those women's lips have their own needs, which are not exactly the same as yours. What I've gathered from talking to scores of women about their experiences with boyfriends and potential boyfriends--even with their husbands--is that many men would benefit from a few instructions from someone who's been on both the giving and the receiving end of kissing women's lips.

1. Relax. No, I don't mean stop the sweaty palms, the beating heart, the worries in your head about how she'll respond to the first kiss--I mean relax your lips! Just like you, a woman appreciates that first soft touch. If your pucker-muscles are already in gear, she'll feel like she's run into a wall. Will she notice? If every other man she's ever dated did the same, what she'll notice is that you have started the kiss out right where all others failed.

2. Lips are not always the best first "target." I love to kiss my girl just above the middle of her eyebrows--as if there's something special about that spot, as if I've studied her entire face and found something special about every bit of it. Holding her close, lean in (the target is obviously not her lips--so she's not tense) and place a kiss almost as soft as a butterfly, then back out again, and make eye-contact. Other spots go well for "first-contact," too. Think about the "slow-dance kiss"--that one where you're cheek to cheek and you turn your lips up against the softness of her cheek--was it a kiss, or not? It doesn't matter, but it makes her feel good. Don't kiss the tip of her nose the first time around, though--it's the sort of thing you do to a child, not a woman.

3. Go slowly. Once you've reached her lips, spend a little time letting those soft lips of yours brush against hers. There's a reason "his lips brushed against hers" is a phrase found in many romance novels--that slowness thing is a lot more desirable than "a moment later, she knew she'd had a complete dental exam by his tongue."

4. Is it Tongue Time yet? Try lip-nibbles first. Use your (relaxed!) lips to nibble or gently tug at hers. This gives you both a chance to open your mouths just a little bit--remember, she's wondering if you're going to kiss (or if this will be a good kiss) too. An open mouth IS a step in the process and it deserves it's rightful place between the closed-mouth kiss and the more intimate kiss. If her mouth doesn't open--back off. Look into her eyes again. See how she appears to be feeling, and if you're not sure ... huh ... ask. In a gentle voice.

5. Okay, you seem to have the go-ahead for tongue--perhaps she even initiated that part. One very important thing to hold in mind, gentleman, and please, I'm not trying to insult you--it's just that I've heard it too many times! Your tongue is not your ... you know. Thrusting it in and out is not sexy--not now, anyway. (When things are a little more lusty? Maybe. For a short time.) Dart your tongue in and out, once, pause, do it again. Get inventive--take her lip between your tongue and lip, gently, and let it slide free. Then go for it ... gently.

6. Listen. From here on out, it's up to you. Yep, the build-up is all I can tell you about, because from there, it's all about listening to her. Does her breathing speed up or slow down? Tiny little noises in her throat? On the other hand, is she trying to please you? If she seems aggressive, maybe she is, but maybe she's just trying to be to you what her last boyfriend expected her to be--a tongue sucking servant to his ham-handed, infantile techniques. If it's a first kiss and she's not taking your lead by going slow, do your best to check in with her, and make sure she's going fast / harder because she wants to. (This I know to be easier for women to do with other women--can't help you there. Good luck.)

7. When to stop? Well, let her take the lead at any point in that, but you might want to think of this as a minute-long pulse. Come in close, open-mouth, then tongue, then enjoy for a minute ... then gradually back out. If she really wants to kiss for longer, she'll let you know! But no one's nerves are going to stay sensitive for long under the same stimulation--she'll probably feel more stimulated if you take a break, take a breath, hold her close and / or look into her eyes. By all means, go in for another kiss again--but this time, you can go straight to steps 4 and 5.

A few more ideas:

If you find that you're in a long kissing-only make-out session, you might want to throw in a little worship of her entire beautiful face. Kiss her eyebrows, her forehead, her earlobes. Kiss her cheekbones, the smile-line at the corner of her mouth. Take your time--her lips will be all the more eager when you finally get there. When you're going into a very slow love-making session, and you have a moment where you're leaning over her, both of you ready to kiss, run your tongue against the edge of her lips so lightly that all you touch is the tiny hairs that grow at the edge. It's very stimulating.