Presents when you're short on money
If your cash flow is less than robust this season, you can still give him a gift that he'll remember for a very long time — for zero dollars. Check out these sex-themed presents that'll have him saying, "Best. Holiday. Ever."
The "12 Lays of Christmas" pack of gum
OK, so technically a 12-pack of gum in a plastic-bubble pack is, what, a buck? But you probably have one lying around anyway. Grab it and then print out these instructions on what exactly you have in store for your partner over the next week and a half.
Sample text: "LAY 5: Tonight calls for five golden rings / But my golden rings come with sexy things / So pick the outfit that you like best / And I will go get ready and dressed." We like to think of these as forgotten verses.
And don't feel boxed in by the ready-made text: You can always create your own daily orders, tailored exactly to your partner's liking. In this case, don't keep it PG!
A sultry striptease
Have a shot of whiskey-spiked eggnog, cue up your MP3 player's speakers, plant him in a chair opposite you, and give him the dance of his life.
Song suggestion: "Santa Baby." Costume suggestion: Lingerie , topped off with a Santa hat.
A plain old gift certificate for sex
Talk about cheap: You can literally make a sex gift certificate using the back of an envelope, newsprint, spare wrapping paper... whatever you have lying around. Because once he reads what's involved, all he'll remember is the message, not the medium.
All you have to write is the following: "1 coupon. Good for: SEX, anytime you want it." And get creative with the terms and conditions. Use a real coupon or gift certificate for inspiration, but consider adding cute or jokey restrictions in the "fine print," like, "Including, but not limited to: fellatio, sex with a costume of your choice and dirty talk. Not valid on sex in full view of other people or on activities construed as illegal in most states."
Trust us, he'll love it.
"Housewife" for a night
Do a quick check of the pantry and find the ingredients for a batch of brownies or other baked treat, then surprise him with your homemade goodies... and you, wearing an apron, heels and perhaps nothing else. He'll get a kick out of being serviced, so to speak, and it's fun to playact.
We're not ones for enforcing gender roles in real life, but it sure would be fun to be Bad Betty Draper for an evening. You might need a spanking.
Shoot a series of racy photos — for his eyes only
Everyone can look like a model by snapping self-portraits with the myriad of camera apps available for download. Even if you're shy about showing your face, try focusing on a piece of out-of-place lace, a high-class heel mere seconds from dropping to the floor or a shot of crossed curvaceous thighs.
Our favorite apps for sexy shots: Instagram for channeling your inner hipster, Strut Type for a classic pinup look, and Camera Plus for vintage cool.
X-rated Skype session
We love Skype for many reasons, but at the top of our list is the fact that it's free. For this gift, you're the girl on film, and he's the lucky viewer, whether he's on a work trip or in the next room. Treat him to a full-on virtual sex session, or just flash him some carefully selected body parts and your naughtiest poses. For him, it'll be like a skin flick coming to life — and better yet, he'll come home to you in the flesh later.
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